she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
