I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
