I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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