If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
