can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
