We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
