I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
