can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
