i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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