Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
