I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
