I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
