need another drink. this is the easiest way
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
