Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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