You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
