I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
