That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
