either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
