I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
