He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
