he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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