You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
