wanna go halves on a baby?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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