They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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