Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
