You can't special order awesome
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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