omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I supernannyed him into submission
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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