We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
