Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
