i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
