Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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