he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
