come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
