Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
