I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hippo gnu deer
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
