Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
only if we run a train.
done.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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