he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
