I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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