one two three fourrrrnication!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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