I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
