Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
