tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
