Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We just shotgunned beers for America
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
