so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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