I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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