I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
