Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
