oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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