It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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