Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
