The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
