We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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