Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
