New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
